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From the greatest source of news ever: "An 8,976-foot foul ball off the bat of Washington third baseman Ryan Zimmerman crashed through the U.S. Capitol Building rotunda Sunday afternoon, prompting both the Nationals and the opposing Pittsburgh Pirates to gasp, turn to each other in shock, and immediately run full speed out of Nationals Park. 'As soon as I hit it, I knew it was headed straight toward Capitol Hill--I just kept saying to myself, 'Not the dome, not the dome, not the dome,' Zimmerman said.
"Both teams, all four umpires, and the 32,457 fans in attendance winced in horror, however, as the ball kept carrying, made a loud smashing noise, and left a gaping hole in the rotunda's neoclassical architecture. 'We are so dead,' Zimmerman added. As the teams grabbed the bases and scrambled out of the stadium, the Pirates yelled to the Nationals that they were in "big trouble." The Nationals refuted that claim, screaming that 'if [Pirates left-fielder] Jason [Bay] could run at all, he would've tracked down the ball and caught it' before it struck the 200-year-old structure, which stands 1.7 miles from the ballpark.[...]
"According to eyewitnesses in the Capitol, the ball smashed into the dome at about 3:35 p.m., tore through the Apotheosis Of Washington--a 150-year-old, 4,664-square-foot fresco painted on the inside of the rotunda--and broke the arm off of a National Statuary Hall sculpture of William Jennings Bryan. The ball then bounced into the Senate Chamber, where it interrupted a vote on a $542.5 billion defense authorization bill, and landed directly in the mashed potatoes of early-dinging Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), covering him with gravy and prompting him to exclaim, 'Zimmermaaaaannn!'
"Although McConnell had no evidence at the time that Zimmerman was responsible for the damages, he was the chief suspect, as he is the only National able to hit the ball farther than 300 feet. Furthermore, Zimmerman dented McConnell's 1998 Buick LeSabre last week when he overthrew first base by 15,000 feet on a routine grounder."
(Read the entire thing, and don't miss the "photo.")
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JT says: (5/8/08 4:16 PM)
Nice.

I saw that on the Onion, and I'm glad that you deemed it newsworthy enough to post.


PK says: (5/8/08 10:14 PM)
That's a great piece, and reminds me of another DC-related article they did a few years ago:

Congress Threatens To Leave D.C. Unless New Capitol Is Built
link

(And this is the same article that the Xinhua News Agency in China picked up as a real news story - they were totally fooled.)

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City Government Data for Near Southeast Records added or updated recently displayed here; click the "archive" links to see additional detail and older records. All data from DC Government databases and RSS feeds. JDLand takes no responsibility for errors, omissions, etc. (read CapStat disclaimer). Data is retrieved daily.

Recent Crime Incidents Archive  
M ST SE AND HALF ST SE   ROBBERY /  08/17/14
800 B/O VIRGINIA AVE SE   THEFT F/AUTO /  08/17/14
M ST SE AND 5TH ST SE   THEFT F/AUTO /  08/15/14
1400 B/O 1ST ST SE   THEFT F/AUTO /  08/14/14
1000 B/O 1ST ST SE   BURGLARY /  08/12/14
800 B/O L ST SE   THEFT F/AUTO /  08/11/14
HALF ST SE AND L ST SE   THEFT F/AUTO /  08/11/14
1000 B/O NEW JERSEY AVE SE   THEFT /  08/07/14
1100 B/O 10TH ST SE   THEFT /  08/07/14

Active Public Space Permits Archive  
1331 2ND ST SE    Carlton Ray 
Assigned
paving; streetfixture; excavation  
 02/10/14
to
02/09/15
908 3RD ST SE    Rachel Frankel 
Issued
streetfixture; new  
 07/24/14
to
09/21/14
1026 3RD ST SE    Wash Gas & Light Co. 
Issued
excavation; new  
 06/26/14
to
09/04/14
1331 4TH ST SE    Forest City Forest City 
Issued
excavation; new  
 01/10/14
to
02/10/15
410 M ST SE    Pepco Holdings Inc 
Issued
excavation; new  
 07/11/14
to
09/08/14
880 NEW JERSEY AVE SE    WASHINGTON GAS 
Issued
excavation; new  
 07/28/14
to
09/26/14
301 TINGEY ST SE    Potbelly Sandwich Works LLC 
Issued
new  
 03/21/12
to
11/27/14

Recent Issued Building Permits Archive  
1212 4TH ST SE   
08/25/14 
FC 1212 LLC / MARK E. RESNICK
E1408462 / SUPPLEMENTAL
   
08/28/14 
FC 1212 LLC /
P1408191 / SUPPLEMENTAL
   
08/28/14 
FC 1212 LLC / RICHARD V CAREY
P1408185 / SUPPLEMENTAL
1331 4TH ST SE   
08/14/14 
F. C. 1331 LLC / FVI 2020
B1402843 / CONSTRUCTION
CONSTRUCTION OF A BRAND NEW 11 STORY BUILDING. THE BUILDING IN TOTAL IS 350 000 SQ FT. ADDING 327 RESIDENTIAL RENTAL UNITS 20 000 SQ FT. IN COMMERCIAL SPACE AND 3 BELOW GRADE PARKING LEVELS.
   
08/15/14 
CLARK CONCRETE
AH1400650 / CONSTRUCTION
AFTER HOURS TO POUR CONCRETE ON JOBSITE FROM 7AM TO 7PM FROM SUNDAY TO SATURDAY 8 / 15 / 2014 TO 11 / 15 / 2014
   
08/28/14 
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA / STEPHEN J. EXELBERT
P1408218 / SUPPLEMENTAL
1000 5TH ST SE   
08/13/14 
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA /
FD1400132 / CONSTRUCTION
NEW FOUNDATION TO GRADE PERMIT FOR NEW COMMUNITY CENTER INCLUDING UTILITIES. REVISION TO FD1400029 TO REVISE STRUCTURAL DETAILS OF COLUMS.
   
08/20/14 
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA / BRUCE G. PICKETT
E1408304 / SUPPLEMENTAL
1220 12TH ST SE   
08/27/14 
FAIRBANKS MORSE ENGINE / EVAN O'BRIEN/ D MCKEEVER SERVICES
B1411219 / CONSTRUCTION
INTERIOR ONLY NON-STRUCTURAL ALTERATION TO EXISTING OFFICE SPACE. WORK INCLUDS MINOR PARTITION CHANGES AND THE ASSOCIATED HVAC AND ELECTRICAL ALTERATIONS.
1015 HALF ST SE   
08/15/14 
HALF ST SE LLC / ROBERT L HUNTER
M1402951 / SUPPLEMENTAL
   
08/16/14 
SAM HOLLEN / DONALD VEALS; SAM HOLLEN; DONALD VEALS
E83010192 / SUPPLEMENTAL
41 L ST SE   
08/20/14 
WASHINGTON METROPOLITAN AREA TRANSIT AUTHORITY (WMATA) / SAMIR ALQUTRI - GEOTECHNICAL SOLUTIONS INC.
SB1400402 / CONSTRUCTION
GSI PLANS TO DRILL 4 SOIL TEST BORINGS TO CONFIRM SOIL STRENGTH WITH A HOLLOW-STEM AUGER EQUIPPED WITH A SPLIT SPOON SAMPLER FOR THE SPT N-VALUE TESTS DOWN TO A MAXIMUM DEPTH OF 80 FEET BELOW EXISTING GRADES. ALL BORINGS WILL BE DRILLED TO THE MAXIMUM DEPTH OR AUGER REFUSAL WHICHEVER OCCURS FIRST. THE BORE HOLES DIMENSION WILL BE 3.25 INCHES AND SHALL BE GROUTED UPON COMPLETION.
20 M ST SE   
08/22/14 
TRANSWESTERN JEFFERY W GROSS / ANDREW ARNTSON; TRANSWESTERN JEFFERY W GROSS; ANDREW ARNTSON
P96600069 / SUPPLEMENTAL
   
08/22/14 
TRANSWESTERN JEFFERY W GROSS / ANDREW ARNTSON; TRANSWESTERN JEFFERY W GROSS; ANDREW ARNTSON
G22130990 / SUPPLEMENTAL
   
08/25/14 
SUBWAY / N/A; DAMON ELLIS
SG1400416 / CONSTRUCTION
INSTALLATION OF NON ELECTRIC SIGN 10FT 8IN LENGTH 2IN WIDE 25IN HEIGHT
   
08/27/14 
JOHN GLUSEPPE-RAMCO / CARL LAVENDT; JOHN GLUSEPPE-RAMCO; CARL LAVENDT
E10905761 / SUPPLEMENTAL
100 M ST SE   
08/16/14 
NORTHWOOD INVESTERS LLC / STANLEY HUBBARD; NORTHWOOD INVESTERS LLC; STANLEY HUBBARD
E14516088 / SUPPLEMENTAL
901 M ST SE   
08/14/14 
CARLTON RAY
AH1400642 / CONSTRUCTION
TO PERFORM TEMPORARY LANE CLOSURES
1201 M ST SE   
08/14/14 
CARLTON RAY
AH1400641 / CONSTRUCTION
TO PERFORM TEMPORARY LANE CLOSURES
861 NEW JERSEY AVE SE   
08/21/14 
CONSOLIDATED RAIL CORPORATION / ROBERT COLISH
P1407975 / SUPPLEMENTAL
1200 SOUTH CAPITOL ST SE   
08/26/14 
MR BALLPARK 4 LLC. / MR BALLPARK 4 LLC.; RPS INC.
SB1400375 / CONSTRUCTION
ENVIRONMENTAL SOIL BORINGS FOR DUE DILIGENCE INVESTIGATION. ADVANCE A SERIES OF 10 ENVIRONMENTAL SOIL BORINGS AT THE SUBJECT SITE TO COLLECT SOIL AND GROUNDWATER SAMPLES FOR FIELD SCREENING AND LABORATORY ANALYSIS. THE SOIL BORINGS ARE BEING CONDUCTED AS PART OF A DUE DILIGENCE INVESTIGATION ASSOCIATED WITH A REAL ESTATE TRANSACTION. INVESTIGATION DERIVED WASTE -IDW- WILL BE LABORATORY TESTED AND ...
1230 SOUTH CAPITOL ST SE   
08/21/14 
PUBLIC STORAGE INSTITUTE FUND / RAYMOND SCIANNELLA
E1408379 / SUPPLEMENTAL
   
08/21/14 
PUBLIC STORAGE INSTITUTE FUND / CHRIS WING
B1410888 / CONSTRUCTION
INTERIOR ALTERATION TO EXISTING SELF STORAGE BUILDING TO REPLACE FIRE ALARM SYSTEM.
AH = After Hours; B = Alteration & Repair; D = Demolition; E = Electrical; FB = Boiler; M = Mechanical; P = Plumbing and Gas; PC = Post Card; R = Raze; SG = Sign; TL = Tenant Layout; TN = Tent; RW = Retaining Wall;

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