Washington, D.C.: But It's a Wet, Sweaty Heat

Washington, D.C.: Walk Left, Stand Right

Washington, D.C.: Kickball Capital of the World

Washington, D.C.: Better than Baltimore

Washington, D.C.: Democracy is Overrated

Homeland Security Alert Level: Fabulous!

Washington D.C.: 535 Representatives in Congress

Washington, D.C.: What Happens Here, Gets Out Pretty Much Everywhere

Washington, D.C.: Like Richmond, Except More So

Washington, D.C.: Technically Not Built on Top of a Swamp

A few from Big Media Matt aren't bad either:

Washington, D.C.: I Moved Here for Work

Washington, D.C.: 5 Percent Lawyers

Washington, DC: You Voted For 'Em

I worked with the guy who won the contest to come up with the 1990's-era slogan, which was "Celebrate the City, Discover the World" and not "Bitch Set Me Up."

My preferred entry this time around? Hmmmm.... Maybe "Washington, DC: Let Our Barricades and Closed-Off Streets Welcome You."

A great day for the lazy people of the District of Columbia.

The old DC Taxi Zone Map:

The new one, released today:

A triumph of readability!

The map is now oriented North-South! What a concept!

(Of course, the fact that we still have zones rather than meters is an argument for another day. Let's enjoy small successes when we can.)

During the holidays, the main post office at North Capitol and Massachusetts (next to North Capitol) is open on Saturdays AND SUNDAYS until 8 pm. (It's so special that it isn't even listed under the "Special Hours"!) Considering the seventh circle of hell that is our regular post office during the year, let alone in December (just ask Bill), being able to hop in the car late on a Sunday evening, drive a couple of minutes, easily find a parking space, walk right up to the counter, and drop off huge boxes for shipping is as much of a Christmas present that anyone could ask for.

D.C., Baltimore score supreme in being slow

If you are looking to take out money from your local bank, buy groceries, purchase clothes or other consumer items, prepare to wait.

And wait.

Washington and Baltimore have the ignominious distinction of being the two slowest cities in the United States when it comes to customer service.

In a survey by the Mystery Shopping Providers Association, which collected more than 10,000 responses from mystery shoppers throughout North America, Baltimore and Washington had ratings of 5.13 and 4.58, respectively, worst among the cities measured.

What that means is in Baltimore people on average wait 5 minutes, 13 seconds, for their purchase or activity, while in the District it is 4 minutes 58 seconds.

On the flip side, those with the top two scores are Phoenix, at 3 minutes 5 seconds, and Portland, Ore., at 3 minutes 30 seconds.

Baltimore also had the worst return ratio, at 77.3 percent. This means that only 77.3 percent of shoppers would return to the same site in Baltimore based on the wait time. D.C., mirroring its slow wait time, came in second worst, at 77.6 percent.

The survey asked consumers to measure the time they spent waiting in line at banks, clothing retailers, department stores, fast food restaurants, sit-down restaurants, grocery stores, gas station convenience stores and other retail locations.

Dear Neighbors:

You have probably noticed that we pretty much keep to ourselves. We're sociable, we'll stop and talk, but we do tend to retreat into our private abode to escape from the rest of the world.

We also keep to ourselves when it comes to our trash and recycling. We put it out at the curb, in front of our own house, because it would never occur to us in a million years that it would be okay to put our trash in front of someone else's house.

So how come we are so often forced to look at other people's trash in front of our house when we look down our front walk? How hard is it to put your trash in front of your own house? And if you think it's messy to put it in front of your own house, what makes you think that we would find it more pleasurable to look at?

The "Magic Trash Tree" is not some sort of magnet for everyone around to come lean their trash against. You've got just as much curb space as we do, use it.

Sincerely,

Us

Yeesh. This has been going on for 10 years now, through at least 4 different sets of neighbors on each side of the house. They don't do it every week (well, the frat boys who used to rent next door did, until I started throwing their bags of trash back into their yard), just when they have something huge and nasty and unwieldy to throw out. Last fall the renters of the house two doors down spent an entire morning clearing brush and dead branches, and created a pile three feet high and four feet long of yard waste--in front of our house. We were about to have the entire family over, and I made them move it back to in front of their house, pleading that I really would prefer to not have my guests need to have a machete to get from the curb to our gate. They seemed stunned and offended--how dare I ask them to put all that TRASH in front of THEIR house?

And this is why, as Bill said, we magically have three dead Christmas trees in front of our house this year, none of them ours.